Nicole's Engl blog

End OFFA 37

Posted on: September 23, 2012

There wasn’t really a point where it ended it just kind of did, it was death by natural causes I would say. There were things you did I didn’t like, the way you treated me and others, I mean were suppose to be growing up but that didn’t seem to be happening on your end. Maybe that stuff was more acceptable in high school, or maybe I just have a little bit more self respect than I did then to realize that this isn’t how friends should treat each other. So I did what I thought was right, I called you out, “your being a shitty friend”, “I would never do that to you” these things I said each time you went back into your cycle of only caring about yourself, or the attention you got or being where everyone else was. You didn’t like it, you clearly couldn’t take someone calling you out on your shit, making it more  obvious you knew you weren’t making the best decisions when it came to your friends, especially me you best friend. You knew I would never do that to you, but instead of trying to change you lashed out. “I can’t believe you think that” “Its not my fault” you started to sound like a broken record. You always tried to turn it around so that I was the bad guy for drawing attention to you lack of respect for your friends.

So we drifted, I mean technically it was a long distance relationship, these things happen. Less phone calls, or texts, we never skyped any more. All I knew of you life was what you chose to post on Facebook. If someone asked I always said yah were still good friends, I don’t know if I wasn’t aware of us drifting apart of if I chose to ignore it becuase I thought it would get better. Then Thanksgiving came around, everyone’s back in town and you couldn’t make time for me it wasn’t on the agenda,  well you just are furthering the distance between us.

Then one day I got a call, something no one could have predicted, and even tho everyone from home knew it happened no one knew my connection to him, we didn’t have the last name no one would even question we were related. But that circle of friends they knew, and slowly it spread around that he was a part of my family. One by one the messages, and phone calls came, “I had no idea, I’m so sorry for you loss”. It was nice of them to reach out these people I didn’t speak to or see often. But I waited and waited and from you I heard nothing. When I started to pick myself up and get back to my life I knew it was over. You were my best friend but you couldn’t be there for me in the hardest days I had ever experienced. I had no desire to see you or hear from you it was a clean cute, no mess no fuss. There was no excuse for this you had no reason not to reach out and this is the time when a response to defend yourself would have done some justice, but I never confronted you. But when I see the way you can’t look at me in public and you avoid my gaze or my presence I know you know this is your fault now.

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