Nicole's Engl blog

Archive for October 2012

Potatoes really, well  I guess they are kind of a staple food I mean you can do so much with them. Mash them, bake them, boil them fry them. You can add almost anything to them, different spices, sour cream, salad dressing, oil, salt and pepper. And there’s different kinds, white ones yellow ones red ones sweet ones. I like sweet potatoes the best.

The town im from is famous for there French fries, I mean they are really good but its more about the fact that they are sold out of chip trucks under the blue water bridge. Which connect Sarnia and Port HuronMichigan, its very beautiful and the st.clair river runs under it. In the summer we float down the river and then get fries after.

My mom makes French fries a lot, but not those crappy frozen in a bag ones they disgust me, she makes them fresh from potatoes, and deep fries them. I always thought this was normal but a lot of my friends think its weird we own a deep fryer, but all we make in it is French fries. It’s the deep fryer she got for a wedding present actually, she got a newer one not that long ago and then gave it to me. I don’t use it a lot but sometimes you just crave French fries, really greasy ones. When im hung-over I make the French fries into nachos by baking them with cheese, onions, peppers, bacon and parmesan cheese. When  I eat them I dip them in ranch, I know its really bad but soo good! If im really lazy I’ll go some where and get a poutine yumm that’s a get hangover cure.

Ok but back to just potatoes, my parents buy huge bags of them from the farmers market and they keep them in the pantry under the stairs. And by the time your getting to the end of the bag they’ve all started to grow eyes. I haven’t seen a sweet potatoes grow eyes as big as a normal potatoes, but they grow purple instead of white. Much cooler!!!  Now that I think of it that would be very Halloweenish. Well not to sure what else to say about potatoes, so I think were done here. POTATOE

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I don’t know when I started getting allergies but I know I didn’t always have them. And each year they seemed to get worse, fall and spring and now even most of the summer, you’d think id love winter because its my only allergy release. I use to get sick a lot so every sore throat and runny nose I just saw as a cold and didn’t think anything of it. One spring it morphed into a cough and I was drained no energy and coughing up flem left and right so I went to my family doctor. “Allergies” he said here take this nose spray shoot it up each nostril 2 times a day. I had never had a nose spray and the thing looked scary, it smelt like flower which I find to be a little ironic since flowers are like a symbol of allergies. But I took it and it worked, I was shocked that what I thought to be a cold was just allergies.

Well into my first year of university I was struck with this awful cold, coughing aching, fever and chills, my nose was running a mile a minute and I was coughing up gross stuff like no other, it was like my body had overnight turned into a snot factory. So to the doctors I went, “Allergies he said” take this nose spray twice a day in each nostril. I was Shocked this time I was 100% sure it was a cold or flu, and with the swine flu going around it could of been that. But sure enough a few days of nose spray and I was good to go.

The next year came around and I was prepared, I am going to get sick again and its going to be my allergies, so I went to the doctor when I felt it coming on. I whined and moaned. She gave me a prescription for once again nose spray. Before spring even had its chance to rear its ugly head, I was using my nose spray I was going to beat these allergies head on. I got a really bad cough again this time I couldn’t shake it tho, I tried everything. My nose was so stuffed I had no sense of smell. I went to the doctors expecting the usual its allergies line but what I got instead nearly toppled me over. “I’m going to give you two inhalers for you asthma”, “excuse me” I Said, “But I don’t have asthma”, the doctor turned to me with a cocked eyebrow and said I can tell you right now you do. “do you not normally take an inhaler?”, “Never in my life” I responded, well the doctor didn’t seem to concerned so I went off with my in halers, I used them as I was directed day in and day out. It got better I didn’t cough as much but I didn’t feel like I was being cured, and on top of that I was devastated to hear I had asthma. Time went on about 3 months and my sense of smell didn’t return I began to think I had damaged my sense of smell.

When time came to move at the end of the school year, the moving of my bed provided all the answers. Mould I was breathing it in and it was infecting my lungs. Once I got into the new house all my symptoms started to clear up, my sense of smell returned and my asthma was cured!

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Pull

Posted on: October 27, 2012

You want to know about an old lover that I can’t get off my mind. And what’s the attraction to them? Well if I had taken this class last year this answer would be completely different, but then sometimes  I think that the point of these prompts, it shows where we are now and what’s important to us now. But anyway I can tell you that I don’t think about old boyfriends there is no pull to them, they weren’t a complete waste of time but there defiantly not worth my time any more.

Yes I’m in a relationship now and yes I’m head over heels in love with this boy, we’ve been dating six months and I can honestly say were still acting like were in the honeymoon stage, or at least I still have that butterfly excitement every time I see him. Some times I feel pathetic the way I miss him when were apart for a few days, even though I know he’s just around the corner and I could be at his door or him at mine in a matter of minutes if it was necessary. Sometimes it blows my mind how perfect he is, and I can’t help but wonder why he was available for me? But maybe its because he’s perfect for me and no one else, maybe this boys my soul mate, I guess I’ll have to wait and see what comes our way and where the future brings us.

Now I’m not saying I’m ready to run off and get married, but it could be a possibility in the distant future, I think we both still have some growing up to do. But sometimes I can’t help but think how amazing he is and how perfect he is, and I wonder what he sees in me. But I think he feels the same way about me J

Now where do my past loves fit into this? Well that’s it they don’t this is my relationship its completely different from there’s and if anything I would just want them to see us together to know how completely blissfully happy I am J

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This is to him, the boy who I thought I loved or maybe I did love him. When I look back on how you treated me I feel like I have no reason not to hate you, and wish to never speak to you it would be totally justified. But I don’t because when I look back at the shit you put me through, all I see is who it made me today. Ya we had lots of fun and there were great times and all that but really those mean as little to me as the bad stuff. At the time I was convinced I was madly in love with you, we were in high school and even though I told you I thought we’d get married one day and have kids I knew that wasn’t true, and then I wonder why I was still with you then. But our relationship taught me more about my self and I can attribute it to one of the major impacts in my life that has made me who I am today.

Even in my relationship now I can see how my relationship with you is affecting me. I love him because I know he would never do the things you did to me, or make me feel the way you did. I love him because he treats his mom with respect, which you never did I mean seriously how fucked up is that that you cant be decent to the women who raised you!!! That still angers me to this day. And being with him I can openly say we might get married one day, and I know I could spend the rest of my life with him.

I’m not writing this just to tear you apart and brag about how my new boyfriend is everything your not, but I’m writing to say I don’t regret dating you. Even though it was hard and I lost friends and respect for my self. I gained so much more in the end. I realized I didn’t need a boyfriend to complete me and that I was at a point in my life where I needed to find out who I was first before I brought someone else into that. I know what to look for in a relationship and what constitutes a healthy relationship, ours was not!

But I can honestly say even if I’m not clearly articulating it here that im thankful that we dated, it made me appreciate things and it made me grow up, but im even more thankful we broke up. Because if we hadn’t been together and gone through all the things we did I don’t know where I would be in life today, and if I would have a different outlook now, but mostly I don’t know if I would be able to see how amazing my boyfriend now is.

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Two

Posted on: October 23, 2012

My home life and my school life, I guess this has always been a constant pull of two places, even when my school life was just during the day with my friends and my home life was when I went home after school to dinner and my family.

But now there so much more, since my school brings me to another city, where I’ve created a new life for myself, one without my family that’s a scary thing. When I go home I expect it to feel like it always did. But that’s unrealistic. I’m a totally different  person I’ve grown up so much and matured from living on my own, so going back to a place that reminds me of a younger more naive me clashes with my perception of my self.

My room at home is a great example, pink carpet yellow walls, celebrity boys plaster the walls. So when I go back there all im reminded of is this younger me, I mean it is literally plastering the walls. So there’s a paradox here I don’t want to be treated the same as I was then, because im not the same as I was then. But Its like I’ve grown up in my head then feels like im thrown back into the younger me’s body. Not to say I don’t look the exact same as I did in high school but how can you feel like you’ve grown up when your constantly faced of reminders of how young you are. I don’t know if that makes sense I’m trying really hard to get my feelings across about this.

When im at school I have a whole different life and to be fair this has become extremely dominant part of my life I almost never go home even in the summer. So to me this is who I am now but can my old life face that? Can the people in my old life deal with that? Can I find a way to make my high school room believe me? I guess because at home they don’t see me all the time and they can’t see how I’ve grown up and developed and changed so when I go home I feel out of place, or that I have to demonstrate all of this in the two days im there. I don’t know there two very different places and I feel like the perception of me in both of those places is different or maybe I just think it is. Because they both represent two very different times in my life I guess.

So what happens when im done school, doomed to return to my highschool room in my parents house. Well some redecorating will be a must, a can of paint and so on. But do I really know who iam now? Is that definite? Maybe that’s what being at school is for me finding out who I am without the influence of home. Yah that sounds more like it. But what if I don’t know who I am by the time its time to go back?

1) Has anything about your writing surprised you?

What’s surprised me is how much I have come to enjoy writing, before I felt kind of silly writing things down like the prompts we have done, but I have come to enjoy them as well as the pieces I have produced. Also the amount of emotion that I put into my writing shocked me, the way I was able to open up in certain pieces and tap into something I may not have known was there. But what has shocked me the most is that I feel that writing is something that I am better at than I thought some of the pieces I have produced I really enjoy.

2) What do you think is your most effective piece? Your least effective piece? Why?

I think my most effect piece is “Awake” because it was the piece I work shopped I put some thought into the topic before I wrote it, and struggled with if what I desired to write about was to personal. After I took my ten minutes and wrote the piece I sat on it a few days to make sure I really wanted to share it, finally I posted it and I felt proud of what I had created possibly because I was so emotionally invested in it.

My least effective piece is “Vice” because when I first read the prompt I knew exactly what I wanted to write about, but then I googled the word vice because I wasn’t 100% sure I got what the prompt was asking. When I read the definition my previous idea no longer fit. This was also the last prompt I had to do for the week so I just forced it out when I didn’t feel committed to what I was writing and because of this I feel its very weak.

3) What challenges have you faced in completing the pieces?

The most challenging thing I find is when after reading a prompt something doesn’t come to you right away, in some cases a few days later something will come to me. But if I just don’t feel an attachment to the response then I feel like the piece I write doesn’t come out as good or I just don’t like it as much.

Another challenge I face is dealing with emotions I’m not comfortable sharing I always struggle if I should focus on something. The fact that for the most part it is anonymous helps allot.

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My dad’famils dresser is an interesting topic, for someone who can constantly complain about how messy my room is, his dresser take the cake. It’s the first thing you see when you stare directly into my parents room its right there facing the double doors. Its antique and it has some nice stain on the wood, and some equally antique looking knobs. It has a quite large mirror that angles and I use often to check out my outfits as  whole. But the top of it is covered in stuff. Magazines, scraps of paper with measurements on them or phone numbers, the answering machine and the phone, exacto knife blade refills in various shapes since some of them have very little paper left since they went through the wash, these thing I can name off the top of my head are things on my dads dresser, even though I cant see it right now I know that they are there. Basically this is where my dad put anything he has with him at the end of the day, I’ve seen him do it. He empties his pockets (most of the times; see razor blades) and all the change goes into a large cup next to the dresser, and anything else goes onto the dresser. I’m sure if you ask he will tell you it’s organized and he knows where everything is but on more than one occasion we have found something he’s been looking for buried under something on his desk. Every once and a while he cleans it up a bit, but there’s no minimalist approach here it still has stuff all over it just in a more organized fashion. I don’t know what’s in the drawers I can assume socks and underwear typical dresser stuff, or if they are neat or a reflection of the surface. The dresser is an on going thing with my mom she always complains to him to clean it, or how much junk there is and does he really need all this stuff. But so it remains and it has my whole life.