Nicole's Engl blog

Last Letter

Posted on: October 25, 2012

This is to him, the boy who I thought I loved or maybe I did love him. When I look back on how you treated me I feel like I have no reason not to hate you, and wish to never speak to you it would be totally justified. But I don’t because when I look back at the shit you put me through, all I see is who it made me today. Ya we had lots of fun and there were great times and all that but really those mean as little to me as the bad stuff. At the time I was convinced I was madly in love with you, we were in high school and even though I told you I thought we’d get married one day and have kids I knew that wasn’t true, and then I wonder why I was still with you then. But our relationship taught me more about my self and I can attribute it to one of the major impacts in my life that has made me who I am today.

Even in my relationship now I can see how my relationship with you is affecting me. I love him because I know he would never do the things you did to me, or make me feel the way you did. I love him because he treats his mom with respect, which you never did I mean seriously how fucked up is that that you cant be decent to the women who raised you!!! That still angers me to this day. And being with him I can openly say we might get married one day, and I know I could spend the rest of my life with him.

I’m not writing this just to tear you apart and brag about how my new boyfriend is everything your not, but I’m writing to say I don’t regret dating you. Even though it was hard and I lost friends and respect for my self. I gained so much more in the end. I realized I didn’t need a boyfriend to complete me and that I was at a point in my life where I needed to find out who I was first before I brought someone else into that. I know what to look for in a relationship and what constitutes a healthy relationship, ours was not!

But I can honestly say even if I’m not clearly articulating it here that im thankful that we dated, it made me appreciate things and it made me grow up, but im even more thankful we broke up. Because if we hadn’t been together and gone through all the things we did I don’t know where I would be in life today, and if I would have a different outlook now, but mostly I don’t know if I would be able to see how amazing my boyfriend now is.

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