Nicole's Engl blog

Posts Tagged ‘thoughts


Posted on: November 5, 2012

What ghosts haunt me? That would be the people of my past, that are no longer a part of it. Not the ones who just gradually fell out of contact with, but the ones who were ripped away because of an argument or misunderstanding, something that just at the time it seemed like neither one of us could get over it. And now because of it were not there for each other any more, were not a part of each others lives. Old boy friends mostly, since I don’t really speak to any of them, or a friend who it was clear you two just weren’t the same people any more. While I guess you could say they don’t haunt me, I don’t eve know if they think of me at all. But sometimes when I least expect it, I think of them. It’s not a desire to have them back in my life, no not at all. But rather a curiosity, what are they doing now? Where has there life gone? Do they wonder these things about me?

            I don’t know if I would think these things if it wasn’t for social media such as Facebook, that allows me to get a small peak into there lives. Are they really as happy as they look in these pictures, do they check my page and wonder the same thing? If I didn’t have this way to access a part of there lives would I ever think of them. When my life is going great I hope they do look at my page and think wow she seems so happy because I am! But when its not the greatest or I feel like my life seems boring then I really wonder, do they see this and think HA! I’m glad she’s not in my life any more. It really doesn’t matter and there is no way I will ever know. But these people who are a part of my past shouldn’t be affecting how I shape my future; well I guess they don’t really. I guess they more have an impact on how I think my life is perceived to others. And I mean does this matter at all. When I’m happy and everything is great I don’t even think about how people think my life is going cuz I’m too busy living it. But maybe when I feel in a rut or bored or things are just not going good I want everyone to think my life is perfect and so well put together. Kind of messed up isn’t it. So maybe theses people of the past don’t haunt me, but my friends or followers do, because I don’t always want my life portrayed online to them to make there own judgments of it, because they don’t really have any right to. I mean its mine not theres!